I was going to fix my shit up, get my life together, start the process of getting on my own two feet. And then…

My father had a heart attack. 03/09/2012.
So far so good, we got him to the hospital in time. I don’t know what we’re going to do .
I’m really scared .
Pretty much I don’t know what is going to happen in the upcoming weeks, things are going to change.
Fuck, shit should’ve changed when my mom had a heart attack in 2010.    I don’t know, I just don’t know.
He wont be having to deal with stress shit, not allowed to I gather.
It still feels so unreal.

List goes in order of first to last. (these did not happen all at once - this is a general list throughout the many many many many many years. )  Demons sure have fun….

1. left forearm was cut off from the arm, bled to death.

2. decapitated while trying to escape from the asylum

3. father gouged out left eye, hooked a chain through eye socket and temple

4.  pelvis broken, several times.

5.  had chest smashed into - several ribs stolen.

6. was disemboweled and strangled with own intestines.

7. randomly exploded. (Aomi can’t seem to handle frequency/sound weapons very well)

8. crushed self trying to form glacier

9. cut in half

10. popped own skull like a grape while being blasted by own lightning spell.

11. incinerated self crafting weapons.

12. captured as slave and had a chain & hook smashed through ankle and through a hole in left foot.

STOP SHOVING HEALTH KITS INTO MY NIPPLES, ROCHELLE!

fans, fans, fans, everywhere, obviously we’re in Silent Hill.

We’re trying to get out of Riverside… end up in Silent Hill.

They were already like this when I got into the hallway. Carnage. Such carnage.

ever since i got approached by the ‘upset-angry-rejected-male’, a guy that tried to hit on me, get my number, all that shit, and i told him to leave me alone, i just want to get some fucking coffee, not get a boyfriend or get laid or find a friend, holy shit, fuck off. He just had to get closer to me, had to nearly in my face for me to freak the fuck out.

When I am then asked if i want to go out sometime, i get paranoid as fuck. Like, uh, dude, I DON’T KNOW YOU, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS?

I could have handled it better, I could’ve suggested meeting him at the shop again some time/day later so I could get to know him better but I instantly freaked the fuck out because of how many times I’ve been approached this way by different people.

I JUST WANTed MY FUCKING MORNING COFFEE, YOU FUCKING RANDOM WEIRDO.

why did you have to ruin my morning?!

—————————————-

i have a problem, i don’t know if people really like me anyway, so when someone shows interest, i get scared, aggressive and angry. they’re trying to trick me, this is all a joke, this person is s selfish asshole that wants to use me.

I’ve been hurt too many times to fall for it again. I learned my lesson when I was 15.

————————

i found myself not wanting to go out alone anymore. even in the fucking morning.

WHAT THE FUCK. this kind of shit has happened to me around five times already between September and October in various places. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, WITH AROUND 40 PEOPLE IN THE AREA.

I get approached by some fucktard thinking i’m desperate, then getting very offended when i turn them down. FUCK YOU.you think because of how i look i’m going to crave anybody’s attention? that i want attention? no, for the MOST MOST MOST MOST PART I’m left well enough alone, so, NO, FUCK YOU.

I don’t want to date you. I don’t KNOW YOU. I don’t want you to be my friend. I DON’T KNOW YOU. I won’t give you any of my personal information. I DON’T KNOW YOU.

I turn you down nicely, once, twice, thrice, then you fucking piss me off and I have to cuss you out? I had to  remove the lid off my hot-as-fuck coffee and start aiming it  at you THEN YOU CALL ME A SLUT WHILE YOU BACK UP AND LEAVE THE STORE?  yes, run, you worthless fuck.

Yes, you’ll get a girl one day with that attitude, bitch.

I will hate you automatically for showing interest me in the first place. I AM THE HUNTER, NOT YOU.

I don’t know if in reality these were just innocent people trying to be nice and trying to know me but I don’t care, I don’t have the physical or mental energy or want to give any effort to find out.

How many times do you have to tell a person to leave you alone before you blow up like volcano or leave?

so much for my ‘bravado’ i ran out of the coffee shop like a race-horse, i fucking had to detour in case i was being followed. i was scared he was going to jump me even though i stayed inside for a good hour….

 you know it is fucking terrible when you’re afraid to tell a person ‘no’ because they have such a terrible intimidating persona.  and THAT’S WHAT I PICK UP ON, i know INSTINCTIVELY these types of people are not going to be nice, so my defenses go up. then i get upset with myself for doubting myself.

well i don’t ignore my instincts, i don’t SAY YES TO PLEASE ANYBODY.

a fucking normal visit to the coffee shop got ruined because someone had to either joke with me or seriously try to befriend me in a frightening way.  I bet he was the jealous, possessive, rapist type of guy anyway. He made me angry, terrified, and paranoid.  I was surprised no one did anything in the shop either. …everyone was fucking busy with their phones/laptops/meals.

fuck.

dude at the counter gave me another coffee for free… tho.

Aomi’s naked & cold. She wants to go home, Drop is confused, terrified, something is VERRRY WRONG..
Aomi feels like she’s dying but death will not come.
There is a tug, a violent one, instantly Aomi couldn’t feel her legs
There was no pain, just fear, as she felt her stomach and sides blow out, the stripes on her hips just tearing up and away.
The tug and pull of it- the force was literally blinding and…there was no pain
To her horror, she saw herself vaporizing, Drop as well.
Sucked into something.. light? dark? Both?

the animation is choppy and chaotic on purpose, i had to throw in the effect of OMG RAGE TERROR MAYHEM
so that is why the frames are jumping all over the place

posted in 2006